Things That Make Me Hot (an homage to Dan Jenkins)

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I have been re-reading all the Dan Jenkins books I can get my hands on, following his death recently. He wrote so much wonderful prose and if you are looking for a great sampler of his work, look no further than Fairways and Greens. It comprises many pieces he wrote for Golf Digest and was published in 1994. One of my favorite articles is Jenkins’ “Things That Make You Hot”, so with a huge nod to him, here is my version.

Range Finders. Great, so after taking a minute trying to find the flag you know it is 145 yards to carry the front bunker. The only problem is you have no ability to consistently hit the ball 146 yards. If your handicap is higher than, say, five, use the money you would spend on one of these electronic widgets and get a lesson!

The Double Logo. Ok, your insurance salesman got you on at Pine Valley and you paid $5,000 in an auction to play Winged Foot. At both you hit the shop hard….but it doesn’t mean you should wear both logos at the same time. It is a cardinal sin and you need to leave the course immediately.

Fixed Height Tees. Do you have a ruler to decide how much milk to put in your coffee? No, you just know right? Same goes for putting your tee in the ground. Feel it and it will likely be correct. Try different heights on the range to see what works for you. If you don’t know how high to tee your ball you shouldn’t be out there.

Golf Carts. The scourge of the game and the biggest reason for slow play in America. Let’s both drive to you ball and watch you hit your shot and then drive to my ball and watch that. No! I don’t need to see you hit your shot - I’ll see you on the green! In the UK, there are few courses with carts and play is one to two hours quicker, mainly because players walk to their own ball and play ready golf. I grew up in the UK playing in less three hours and am bewildered that US golfers think four hours plus is normal. The game of golf is a walking game!

Putting Out. The four hour plus rounds are also caused by golfers feeling the need to putt out on every green. If it’s inside the leather pick it up and get off the green. No one cares except you and this ludicrous obsession with keeping score is another fatal reason for the lack of interest from millennials and Z gen kids. They want to have fun and they want it quick. Grinding over a one-foot putt is madness. I get it, I played competitive golf and there is a place for that, but not on a wet Wednesday at any course. It’s often worse at private clubs where the mentality seems to be, I’m paying big bucks for this and the sense of entitlement is heightened.

The Air Hug. This is peculiar to the women’s professional game. After the final putt drop the women give each other this odd “air hug”. It’s not an actual hug, it’s more of an obligatory embrace with a sort of pat on the back. It looks fake and I guess feels fake. Just shake hands and be done with it. I do wonder how this odd ritual started and I just wish it would finish!

Pitch Marks. It still ceases to amaze me how many players don’t repair a pitch mark on the green. Maybe they don’t think they make one as they thin a wedge onto and over the green. If I were a superintendent and had to waste budget on sending out staff to fix pitch marks (which they do!) I would be apoplectic! It starts with higher handicap players who don’t for some odd reason think they make pitch marks. Fix you mark and help out the super!

Iron Head Covers. Enough said!

Tour bags. I love Tour Bags. I have three in my office, but I would never, never use one. There is one group and one group only who need a 10-inch Tour bag - professional golfers. They need a bag stuffed with stuff – waterproofs, towels, band aids, tees, golf balls, gloves, energy bars, their lucky rabbit foot. We need a few balls, some tees, a glove and a Mars Bar and frankly you’ll look like an idiot showing up with a Tour bag and then hitting the first tee shot 157 yards.

The Rules Guy. He’s read the new version of the rules and will dispute the height of your knee drop from across the other side of the fairway. There are several in every club and I’m not picking on the men here - the women are at it too! If you are any good at golf, you’ll know the rules and also appreciate that very few games are ever played without one or two rules being broken. And you know what, that is just fine if you are out having fun. We are not playing in a USGA event! If you want to be rules guy good luck to you, just know your options to play in a regular fourball and enjoy the game diminish with each holier than though ruling.

The Cheater. Reading the above, don’t think for one second, I am advocating cheating. I am not. I once played in the club championship with a very good golfer who I saw physically move his ball nine times. Fortunately, I beat him and then walked into the Secretary’s office to report him. Every club has them, golfers who think the basic rules don’t apply and move their ball in the rough, the bunker, the trees. We know who you are and that’s why we don’t play with you!

Slow Play - The Curse of the Game...finally a great solution from Golfswell

Slow Play is a topic on which I have a lot to say. I grew up in England and learned to play 18 holes comfortably in three hours (often less), so it was a shock to the system playing on public and private golf courses in America where four hours and 30 minutes is more the norm.

It's actually been a while since I have blogged (sorry about that!). My clients have been keeping me busy! Although the retail golf business is tough, companies with cool, niche brands continue to do well.

As I said, I am passionate about pace of play and have recently started working with a cool new company, Golfswell, that addresses perhaps the hottest subject in the game right now - slow play. Despite some attempts by the governing bodies, namely the USGA with its "While We're Young" PSAs, the length of time it takes to play 18 holes in the US is a joke. You can point your finger at many organizations for the calamitous situation. Televised golf is in part responsible for the position we find ourselves in - pros consulting their yardage charts three times, backing off shots five times (yes, you Keegan Bradley) are all contributing to not only an awful viewing experience but encouraging amateurs that it is okay to play slowly. When is the Commish going to do something about it? That's right...never! He has hours of television pre-sold to fill. So, Webb Simpson has six practice swings. So what, says the Tour - not our problem.

The fact is that these Pros are part of the problem because kids are watching this nonsense, lining up the ball, backing off, checking their yardage book one more time - come on...hit it will you!

So what does Golfswell do to address slow play? Well, their iPhone App gives you a full GPS of the golf course you are playing PLUS it monitors your speed. The App helps you get around the golf course quicker and alerts those who are there to help with real time data and real facts. The massive advantage to the club is it frees up additional tee times so they can generate additional revenue.

So, your saying, I'll get around quicker? Yes, I am and there is amazing data from a well-known TPC course to confirm that round times fell a minimum of 15 minutes. The App is now moving from Beta to market because it works! Goodness knows we need something that speeds up play and helps to take away the major frustration ever present in today's game. Read more here on their website and download the free App here.

Slow Play - Keep It Moving People!

The USGA's new President, Glen Nager has been vocal recently about the curse of the game in America, namely slow play. It was the main topic in his recent speech at the USGA annual soiree and he was quoted as saying:

"Slow play has now become one of the most significant threats to the game's health" and "six hour rounds threaten to drive players away from the game"

Well, let's ignore the fact that new players are not coming to the game, so presumably he is talking about existing golfers leaving the game. But his point is well made, that slow play in America is an epidemic within club golfers. A recent experience highlights this fact - A group of us were at a wonderful golf course in the Pinehurst area, Tobacco Road. Now, we are all reasonable players and in front of us were two groups who literally could not hit the ball and despite our protestations with the clueless marshalls no one was asked to leave, no one was let through, no action whatsoever. And so after 5 1/2 hours for 13 holes we walked off. We raced to the airport, likely never to return.

This is fascinating on many levels.

1. How does a golf course not kick off players who can't actually play?
2. How does a golf course allow guys making $0 manage the golf course?
3. How does the Pro not know what is going on when his 0730 is still not in the clubhouse at 130?

Growing up playing golf in England and Scotland, it was the norm to walk the golf course comfortably in 3 hours. During tournaments (in the days when I could actually play!) rounds would creep up to 3 1/2 hours. This is still the case in the UK, the land of fewer carts, cheaper golf and less GPS devices.

So, the question is what happened and when did times start creeping up and up and is anyone to blame? And what can be done about it? Well, here are some random musings on these questions.

There's no doubt the professional tours are in part to blame - Tour players continue to take an age and the Oxford shirts at PVB just will not discipline anyone, even though everyone knows who the culprits are. Can you believe the last guy to get fined a shot was Glen Day (also known as All Day!) in 1995. Twenty years and no one has been out of position, not one...amazing!

I didn't grow up playing in a cart and for me it is THE worst possible way to play the game. I get it - they generate revenue and some people do need them. But if you have 2 good legs, get off your xxxx and walk - it's quicker and healthier. More and more clubs are giving players the option to walk or take a pull cart. And don't tell me carts are quicker than walking - they aren't!

I would posit that US golfers have considerably less knowledge of the etiquette of the game than those in other countries and this impacts the speed of play dramatically. No one is questioning your manhood if you let some one who is playing faster - everyone wins and yet is really happens here.

Maybe the "clubs for profit" model is to blame? Squeezing more tee times into an hour just to drive incremental revenue. Again, that model doesn't exist at most clubs in the UK as they are private member clubs without tee sheets and designed to end the year with $1 in the bank. They will gladly accept outside play, even at the very best, such as Muirfield, but you better keep up with the group in front or you really will be politely asked to leave.

Some organizations in golf have been trying for many years to address the problem addressed by Mr. Nager. Namely the American Junior Golf Association who have a strict tournament policy of ready golf, move onto the next tee when finished, tee off when you are ready regardless of who won the hole - all of which have contributed to them cutting 30-45 minutes from playing times and made for a more enjoyable game. I wish clubs would adopt a similar model - maybe the AJGA should rollout their tournament model in conjunction with the USGA to clubs across the country?

I think we all know there is no silver bullet here - it is going to take a concerted effort from everyone to speed up play and to make the game more enjoyable for playing partners and those behind you! It's great that Mr. Nager has chosen to highlight this huge problem during his tenure and use some of the USGA's considerable resources to create greater awareness and hopefully some practical solutions.

I have been vocal on this subject before - You can read my slow play blog from April of last year - The Curse of the Game and 5 Culprits here)

Slow Play - The curse of the game and 5 culprits

Our 8-man buddy trip is coming up next month to London and Scotland. Finally, I have convinced the boys that London has such great golf that we would be crazy once again to suffer the agonies of Heathrow without the ecstasy of golf in the wonderful heath land to the west and south of the capital of the old country. The classic heather strewn courses are too numerous to mention and we have several of these on our plan - St. Georges Hill, Walton Heath Old, Sunningdale Old. It should be a treat. Then it's off to Scotland for The Old Course, Muirfield, and North Berwick (pictured above).
That all sounds great, but what's the point of this blog, other than to name drop? Well, the point is this, on several days we are playing 36 holes and although the tee times are not set in stone at most British clubs we will have no problem playing 36 holes on these world class courses. Sadly the same cannot be said for many of courses I have encountered in the US where 4 1/2 to 5 hours has become the norm. The reasons are numerous so let's take a look at a few and ponder why the US golfer has slowed to a crawl and yet British golfers simply hit the ball and when it stops, hit it again! Here are 5 of the main culprits.

1. Carts. A dreadful invention and used by able-bodied people who should know better. Golf is a game for walking, not driving. If you have a medical reason, no problem, but kids and anyone who can walk should walk. I see more carts moving sideways or backwards here than I see moving forward! Players driving over to see their opponents ball, or if "cart paths only" are in operation taking one club out to their ball only to return 2 minutes later for another!

2. Electronic devices. Regular readers will know I would like to blow these all up or have a large receptacle by the first tee for them. It would be just like going through the airport and the golf equivalent of the TSA would ask you to dispose of your electronic yardage device - you know it doesn't help anyway and they just add time to the round. "Jerry, you have 167 yards and not 169 yards" (as we thought by looking in a yardage book) - oh, let me take that couple of yards off my 6 iron swing! I don't think so and you took 2 minutes to make your mind up and hit it 130 yards!

3. Watching golf on television. The Brits watch golf too, but for some reason the excruciatingly slow play on the professional tours seems to have had a more negative effect on US amateur golfers than their foreign counterparts. The question is when will the tours actually try and speed up the game and stop pretending that 5 hours is acceptable. Go on, fine someone a shot and see what that does - money won't get it done, but shots will. The American Junior Golf Association has been proactive by introducing a "Pace of Play Program" for their young, aspiring College players - the tours should take a leaf out of the AJGA's book and follow suit, so guys like Webb Simpson, Jonathan Byrd and Ben Crane get a move on!

4. Drinks carts. Don't have 'em in the UK and the only reason they exist in the US is to generate revenue. A noble idea for sure, but just one more thing that holds up play. A bunch of old dudes chatting up the 19-year-old cart girl is no reason to add 15 minutes to the round. Fellas, she is not interested!

5. Keeping score. Stop it now! This is supposed to be fun! If it's inside the leather pick it up and move on. In the UK, 99% of golf is matchplay and it's the major reason that golf keeps moving. I don't need to be waiting 230 yards away watching you putting out for a 7... I'll give you a 6 if you pick it up and get out of the way! Think Chevy Chase in Caddyshack and measure your performance by height!

So they can actually move faster!

Following last weeks rant about the PGA Tour and the slow playing professionals it does seem, after all, that they can actually keep up the pace. Especially when it is in their best interest.
At yesterday's World Golf Championships - Cadillac Championship (by the way who came up with that ludicrous name? So it's the Championship within the Championships - ah, very clever!) Rory Sabbatini (actually one of the fast guys) helped out his slow poke partners by sprinting to the ninth tee so they could all finish their round. His playing partners were still in the eighth fairway when he did it and for some reason Zack Johnson seems to be claiming the credit even though he was a hole back. The agreement seems to have been whoever hit it closest on 8, would get the baton and start running. Good on yer Rory. They all finished, got a good nights sleep and lived happily ever after.
It begs the question, if they can do it to get a decent nights sleep and no early morning start, why can't they just get a move on each week!

Come on you guys- Get a move on!

Two and three ball matches on the 2011 PGA Tour are back at a snails pace. Even matchplay as seen in last weeks Accenture event was taking over 5 hours...for a 2 ball. Clearly, there were not too many crys of "good, good"! We understand there is a great deal of money at stake, but for goodness sake you guys...get a move on! As well as the players taking an age to hit a shot, it is inexcusable for the players not to know simple rulings that could easily be discussed and agreed between themselves. On a number of occasions players are calling the referee for ball in the water (really, they don't know the options!), line of sight (ok, a little more questionable, but easily resolvable amongst adults!), or even OB! (It's outta here buddy - hit another!)

The question is WHEN is the PGA Tour going to do something about it? The last time a player was fined or assessed a penalty on Tour for slow play was, would you believe, 19 years ago. That player was journeyman, Dillard Pruitt, who in a shocking case of the ironies is now a PGA Tour referee. Surely he wants to get that monkey off his back? But no, the Ponte Vedra Beach suits are content to let the players dawdle along as television viewers across the country switch off in droves.

We aren't asking them to run around, simply get a move on and do all the things that golf magazines tell us to do every month. Be ready to play, keep up with the group in front of you, assess the shot ahead of time and please, no plumb bobbing for a minute before you hit a putt. Yes, we are talking to you JB  - one, it doesn't work and two, you are slowing up the whole field!

The solution is simple and one that the LPGA has already adopted and used. After the allotted time, 45 seconds or 60 seconds for a shot, give them a warning. On the second occasion, slap a 2 shot penalty on their scorecard and start watching them get a move on! Fining them on their 10th bad time for the season the sum of $20,000, which is the current ruling is non-sensical and also hasn't been operational, so why is it there?

Let us know what you think....it sure is time the PGA Tour (and the other governing bodies!) did something positive. Golf is a slow moving game - it doesn't need to get any slower.

Killing the game one slow shot at a time.

A fun story by serial PGA Tour observer (er, basher), Geoff Shackelford. Read here his thoughts on slow play on Tour and how they could use ShotLink data to actually do something about it. It's been 16 years (yes, you read that right) since a fine was imposed on a player in a Tour event. Now that is impossible - except for the fact that the Tour has decided not to make the players ever receive a penalty, even though everyone knows it is absolutely ridiculous for a round of golf to take more than 4 hours.

Growing up playing golf we would regularly play in 2 1/2 hours - that's 4 people playing their own ball. No running, just walking swiftly between shots and hitting it when it was your turn. When will the Tour and other official bodies realize that in this "instant world" kids don't want to spend 5 hours playing golf. They don't want to spend 5 hours watching either and as a result, Tiger or no Tiger the TV numbers are down. All of the governing bodies have a responsibility to get the game moving - if they don't the slow professional game of golf will continue to slowly erode the fan base and kids will simply go do something which takes up less time. Go on PGA Tour - fine someone and see what happens!